This is for all you newly single men out there. Are you fed up with first dates that don’t lead to a second date? Do you sometimes scratch your head and ask yourself, “Why didn’t she want to go out with me again? I thought things were going well.” I want to help you understand women better. I want you to have more success in getting that second date. So, I’m going to reveal some dating tips based on my personal experiences, plus those shared by my divorced friends and the clients I coach.
Chances are, if you felt that a date went well but she never wants to date you again, you might have said or done something that turned her off. You probably didn’t even realize it. The following tips could mean the difference between a lonely Saturday night in front of the TV with a beer or another great date with that lovely woman. Here are the four things men should never do on a first date.
- Don’t talk about sex. Not on the first phone call or the first date. Confident, self-respecting women don’t want to be objectified. It’s not that women are not interested in sex. Quite the contrary — most of us love sex! But don’t talk about your sexual conquests with us on a first date. Please take time to get to know us. Like us for our intelligence, warmth, kindness, creativity and wit. Do show us that you’re physically attracted to us, but don’t make it the primary focus of why you’re into us. When you ease into the physical relationship, most of us respond better.
- Don’t be negative. Please don’t talk about what sucks in your life. We’re sorry that you lost your job. We understand that your kids are driving you crazy. We feel bad that you don’t have much of an appetite since your wife left you. You’ve lost weight. You’ve gained weight. You’re in debt. You have kidney stones or irritable bowel syndrome. Listen up: we all have “stuff” that frustrates or overwhelms us. There is a time and place to share the big stuff of our lives; the first date is not it. We don’t know you well enough yet. It feels overwhelming and inappropriate to us. If we end up in a relationship with you, by all means, share it all with us. We’ll care about you and want to support you then. But this is only the first date, so please stay positive.
- Don’t discuss your ex. Your relationship with your ex was terrible. She threw you out of the house. You were blindsided. She took all your money. She has full custody of your kids. We get it, divorce is hard, and sometimes the ex has done very hurtful things. But we don’t want to hear about it — not on a first date or a first phone call. Maybe later. We want to talk about what’s going on for you now. What are your dreams? Your passions? Stay in the present, and we’ll both enjoy the date much more.
- Don’t be rude. If you’re unkind to the waiter, doorman, toll collector, or any other person you come in contact with on that first date, we will judge you as unkind. We want to be in a relationship with someone who is considerate, compassionate and warm. Go out of your way to be nice, and chances are, you’ll get that second date.
The bottom line is that first impressions matter in dating. If you want a great relationship with someone special, you need to put your best self forward. You’re judging us as much as we’re judging you. I’m sure we’re doing or saying things that are turning you off, too. We want to understand you guys better. We want to improve our dating success, too.
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