Tuesday, 22 October 2013

ways to work on an introvert-extrovert relationship

All relationships require compromise. With a partner of the opposite style as yours, you will need to compromise a little more than other couples.
1. Respect space
There are times when an introvert person may want to be with himself while the extrovert partner will wish to go out and express herself. It is useless to expect the other to join in because the primary space on which they both function are not aligned. Understanding this space and respect it at all times is essential for your relationship to move ahead.
2. Don’t pre-judge
If you are fighting over an issue and expecting the opposite person to react in the same way of you, then you might be in for a nasty surprise. An introvert’s way of dealing with issues is radically different from that of an extrovert. They will not react in the same way so stop judging them by mistaking their body language.
3. Pick your moment
Regardless of how different two people are, there are certain activities and habits that bind a couple at all times. Be it a common love for the outdoors or a passion for pets, realize that you will need to pick your moments of happiness and fights with care. Resolve all differences at such times and come closer to one another while enjoying your favourite activities together.
4. Be tactful and patient
All relationships require compromise. With a partner of the opposite style as yours, you will need to compromise a little more than other couples. If your partner does not like art, expecting her to come to every new exhibition in town is being unreasonable. However, not coming to any art function is pushing things too far as well. Find your balance with tact and patience.
5. Don’t get personal
Whatever the situation, it is never a good idea to get personal about the way a person is. After all, you knew about your partner when you got into a relationship. Expecting them to change completely for you is being selfish. Always remember that your partner’s preferences are different than yours. It will help you to manage expectations and move towards happiness.

source; ynaija

Friday, 11 October 2013

Amazing: Nigerian Girl Born Without Hands Uses Her Legs To Write, Eat And Many More Things

Meet Sheidatu Abubakar who, though born without hands, uses her legs to eat, write, and even do henna decoration for ladies.
From a distance, Sheidatu Abubakar looks like most of her peers in school uniform. The hijab she wears conceals the fact that the SS1 student has no hands, unlike her school mates. But meeting the humorous teenager, you get the feeling that what she lacked in hands, she more than made up through the maximum utilisation of her legs, and this makes her the most popular girl in her hometown of Lapai, Niger State.
Born 16 years ago without hands, Sheda, as she is fondly called among her peers, has refused to allow her physical challenges to stand in the way of her dreams. And determined to realise her potentials to the fullest, Sheda is not only going to school but is competing favorably in the classroom with her normal classmates, particularly in design and drawing.
“I use one of my legs to draw and design to specification. I have been using my toes to give women beautiful henna designs during marriage or naming ceremonies. And I do this (henna decoration) in about an hour or so depending on what the clients asked for,” she told Weekly Trust in Lapai, adding that “Nobody thought me how to make such designs.”
She said there are instances where she collects money for the service rendered. If I were to be paid, I collect N 50 per hand and leg, so the payment for complete service is N 200 per person. And I can do four in a day.”
Indeed, Sheida has been using her toes to do so many other things including writing in class, eating and washing clothes, as well as helping her younger ones to loosen their hair for plaiting. She, however admitted that she cannot plait as she would have loved to.
Speaking on her future plans, Sheida said she nurses the ambition of going to as far as university to study. “I started school after the age of six unlike most of my mates, but I will want to study Fine Art one day in the university,” she said.
No stigmatisation
Sheida told Weekly Trust that she has never experienced any form of stigmatization either from her mates in the school or from the people in her community. Rather, she noted, most of them adore me. “The physical challenge I have may be seen as a curse by some, but to me it is a blessing. Because of my nature, I have near unrestricted access to the Emir of Lapai. I have his direct line and can also call him.”
She said her only constraint in life is that her parents are financially weak. “But still if given the necessary support, the sky would be my limit in ensuring she that has acquired higher education,” she said, and appealed to the government and well spirited individuals to come to her aid toward realizing her dream.
“I hope to one day secure employment after my studies, so that I can buy a car for my father who has been toiling to take me to school on his old motorcycle, especially in this raining season.”
Going down memory lane, Malam Abubakar R. Daji, a staff of Lapai Local Government Council, said he still recalls the day (Friday, September 23, 1996) Sheida was born. “When my wife gave birth, the nurse attending to her came out in rude shock, saying ‘Inna lillahi Wa’inna ilaihi Rajiun’ (meaning ‘we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return’). She kept on reciting without saying anything to anybody.
“After calming down, she told me that the baby came out without both hands. Meanwhile, my wife, who was in the labour room, panicked thinking she had a still birth. I, therefore, quickly went to and told my wife, and calmed her by letting her know whatever comes from God be it good or bad we must accept in good faith. She understood.”
According him, shortly after the news hit the town, their house turned into a Mecca of sort as people trooped to see the baby. He said he would never forget the words of the former chairman of Lapai LG Umaru Sidi. He told me that a person that was born in similar circumstances in their community is not only alive today. but is one of the most influential people in the area.
He said he once wrote the Niger State government about six years ago seeking for assistance, but only a wheelchair was given to them. “I said to myself, a person without a limb cannot use a wheelchair, therefore we handed it over to someone to whom it would be useful.”
The father of the girl said initially they were not keen on sending the little girl to school until she started exhibiting her God-given talent. “When we saw her potentials, we enrolled her at a private school. But after sometimes, we had to withdraw her because even Sheida believed the school was expensive. Fortunately for us she is still doing pretty well in school.”
Sheida’s mother, Fatima Umar, said she is not finding it difficult to cater for her daughter. “Sheida, like other children, crawled before she started walking. But when she started crawling, instead of moving on hands and knees, she would be twisting her body while on ground.
Malama Fatima said the day she would never forget was the day she kept Sheida and her food on one side and rushed to get a stool, “but to my surprise on coming back I found Sheida feeding herself by using her toes to hold the spoon.
She further revealed that her daughter wears and removes her clothes without any difficulty, particularly her uniform as she always accused her younger ones of not washing it as it should be.
According to her, the little girl was still crawling when her mother gave birth to her younger brother. But when he started walking, she took that as a challenge and started learning how to walk.
Sheida, as a girl, is very active at the home front as she actively participates in the house chores, particularly kitchen activities. Her mother said Sheida cooks her favourite meal of pasta by herself, even though she requires some assistance like arranging of firewood and lighting the fire.
“It is my prayer that Sheida will one day realise her dreams in life,” Malama Fatima said.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Tips To Help You Forgive Your Loved Ones

1. Remember that you are not an angel, your human we make mistakes, but as a human learn to forgive others first before looking for forgiveness. Humble yourself by remembering that you are not perfect and nor should expect people around you to be. That reminder often helps me to forgive people easily because I know that I can make mistakes too.
2. Reflecting on the good things about the reasons why you loved them in the first place will help you to be more forgiving. Think about the good times against the miniscule bad times, and you will find your answer fairly quickly.
3. Sometimes no matter what you do people will find fault in you, it doesn’t matter. People will always find ways to look for some way to make you feel small, it doesn’t matter. Don’t take it personally and continue to forgive them because at the end of the day, life is too short to harbour such ill feelings!
4. Saying the words I forgive can have profound effects on you and your partner that you are saying them to. Saying it aloud to them will help you let go of any ill feelings towards them, and give them the reassurance they need that they are forgiven. Letting the negative feelings go by doing this, will in the end set you both free.
5. Yea it’s a really scary thing especially when you are not a confrontational person, but sometimes it is best to confront something at the time it happened or at least later on. How on earth will you move on in the first place if they don’t know what it is that they need forgiveness for. It’s also a good form of communication if you talk through everything; the small problems and the big ones and work together on forgiveness.

Things Men Secretly Desire in Their Partners

Dear Ladies, here are attributes men desire in their partners, although they might not open up to you. So, read it here and be the best for him!
1. Independence and confidence
Men are naturally attracted towards confident women. Remember that there is a keen difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence attracts while arrogance repels. Men like women who can take care of themselves and can make up their mind without any help. Confident outlook, positive body language, and independent decision making are qualities that would definitely attract men.
2. Flirting back
This is an important tool for the later years of the relationship. Flirting is essential to keep the romance alive. Men love women who will flirt with them. This makes a man feel wanted and makes him feel that his woman is still attracted to him.
3. Occasional show of feminine side
Men prefer women who keep in touch with their feminine side. So, sometimes it is good to go for a bikini wax, or invest in new clothings and accessories!
4. Just as they are
A man loves a woman who can adjust to the situation, and more so to his surroundings. Nagging is a big mood turner for men so try and avoid it. Men hate it when women want to change them or their surroundings, this can be a totally spoiler for the romance. So, accept them for what they are, and they would love you forever.
5. Honesty
Honesty is a good habit to bag, whether to attract a man or not. Men search for honesty in their partner and honest answers turn them on. When a woman is honest with her man it makes him feel the special bond between them. Dishonesty is not good for any relationship, whatsoever, leave alone a romantic one.
6. Love for sports
What kind of man does not enjoy his girl foul-mouthing the opponent’s team with him? This is a quality which drives most men mad and makes them fall in love with their girl.
7. Need for personal space
While a woman will enjoy a lifetime of cuddling, a man will always need his own space. It is just how they were designed. A man needs his ‘me’ time or his ‘buddy’ time to re-energise. So, instead of making him feel suffocated with a constant hovering around, give him some space and spare him the smothering.
8. A smart woman
A woman with brains is highly in-demand in the man’s world. Though men are visual creatures and get attracted to the ocassional ‘damsel-in-distress’; yet it is always a woman with brighter brains that will take the better man home. Sense of humour in a girl is appreciated by her man. So remember, smart is the new sexy.
Now, you know some of the things that men secretly desire in their partner. So, ladies, take a few pointers and gear-up to be the ‘girl of his dreams’.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Will Smith issues relationship advice to Ladies

With 13 years of marriage under his belt, actor Will Smith dished out some marriage and relationship advice. In a recent interview, the 41 year-old actor dropped some valuable knowledge and lessons about love, marriage, and what it takes to keep your man happy:
He says that every man wants to marry their “homie,” avoid nagging by direct affection, give your man a little space, and keep things mysterious.
If You Marry Your Best Friend, You’re Good
Every man wants to marry his homie, Will says. A lot of women will impress them, but it’s the one they can always laugh with and be themselves with that will ultimately impress them the most. If you can be yourselves around each other, 100 percent of the time, and they can make you life like no one else can, you’ll never have a dull moment together
Remind Him of What He Has
When you start to feel that you’re nagging your husband to the point of no return and nothing you’re saying is getting through, Will suggests you try a new approach. Hold him close, look him right in the eyes, and tell him that you love him, you’re right there, and you always will be, BUT you need him to pick his socks up – right now.  As Will puts it, it’s important to remind him that your request is coming from a good place, and what you want is a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
All Men Need A Little Space
“If you don’t give your husband thirty minutes to himself when he first gets home he’ll stop coming home,” Will says, straight up. He says that a wife can say her piece “anytime after that.” Everyone’s home needs to feel like a happy place, and it won’t if you’re “greeted with negativity” every time you enter the door.
Focus on Balance and Excitement Always
According to Will and Jada’s way of thinking about marriage, maintaining a happy union isn’t just about making time for one another, it’s about making the time count too. Excitement and mystery are everything, he said. Surprise them, let them know you love them, laugh together – whatever it takes to put a smile on their face.

Man dies from heart attack during speech at daughter’s wedding

A father of the bride suffered a fatal heart attack as he gave his speech at the reception.
Alan Bates, 65, had just begun his toast to daughter Charlotte when he collapsed.
The horrified bride, 36, was ushered out of the room by a friend as attempts were made to revive her father by guests, who included a first-aider and off-duty fireman.
Joyous occasion: Alan Bates had walked his daughter Charlotte down the aisle to marry her husband Steve Galbraith that very same dayJoyous occasion: Alan Bates had walked his daughter Charlotte down the aisle to marry her husband Steve Galbraith that very same day
The groom, Steve Galbraith, 42, and his new wife followed paramedics as they took Mr Bates to hospital.
But he never regained consciousness and the couple spent their wedding night in mourning.
‘He just stopped talking,’ said Mrs Galbraith. ‘He fell to the floor and there was screaming and panicking. I got rushed out of the room by one of my best friends and was sitting in the foyer. I didn’t know what was going on. I was just in stunned silence really.
‘Everything was fine during the ceremony and the photos.
‘We had drinks and canapes then we went in to sit down.’
Alan Bates
Charlotte and Steve
Proud: Mrs Galbraith is glad her father, pictured left, was there to walk her down the aisle to marry Steve, pictured right with Mrs Galbraith
In contrast to the traditional wedding service running order, speeches were to be made before the meal at the Craiglands Hotel in Ilkley, West Yorkshire because Mr Bates, the first to speak, was particularly nervous.
Photographer Howard Barnett said: ‘The father had only just  stood up and told his first joke when he collapsed.
‘It just happened instantly – one minute he was standing, the  next minute he fell.
‘Most of the guests thought him falling to the floor was part of the joke, so they were all laughing along.
‘You could see in the bride’s face … she went from broadly laughing to the complete opposite, shock and horror. It went from her happiest day to her saddest day. It is such a tragedy.’
Family: Family and friends including Mrs Galbraith's brother Matthew (left) and her mother Linda (second left) were celebrating the wedding in Ilkley, West Yorkshire
Together: Family and friends including Mrs Galbraith’s brother Matthew (left) and her mother Linda (second left) were celebrating the wedding in Ilkley, West Yorkshire
Beloved father: Mrs Galbraith said she was proud her daughter saw her on her big day and has raised funds in his memoryBeloved father: Mrs Galbraith said she was proud her daughter saw her on her big day and has raised funds in his memory
The couple, who run an IT firm together, live in Leeds with their two-year-old daughter Annabelle.
Mrs Galbraith is now four months pregnant with her second child. Of her wedding day, last October, she said: ‘It was just devastating.
‘Obviously it would have been lovely to have had an evening do, but at the end of the day, the most important thing was my dad walked me down the aisle and saw us get married, and that we are married.’
Following the tragedy, the Galbraiths’ wedding guests joined together to raise money in Mr Bates’s memory.
A group including the newlyweds, best man and bridesmaids raised £1,800 through a fun run, and the money was used to buy a defibrillator for the hotel.
The Galbraiths do not believe the equipment would have saved Mr Bates – but hope it could help others in the future.

Friday, 20 September 2013

AFTERLIFE!!! Man buries his priced BENTLEY

His Bentley is his prized possession, so he's burying it, inspired by the Egyptian Pharaohs, in the hope of having it in his afterlife
He has all the riches he could ever dream for in this life. But to avoid any risk of missing out in the afterlife, wealthy entrepreneur 'Count Scarpa' is burying his greatest treasure - his new £310,000 Bentley convertible.
In a bizarre announcement on his Facebook page the 62-year-old declared that he plans to do as the Pharaohs of Egypt did and take his riches with him when he dies by burying them.
So tomorrow, he will entomb his brand new Bentley Continental worth over £310,000 to make sure he has a comfortable journey into the ‘other side’. The funeral ceremony, he promises, will be at 11am.

His Bentley is his prized possession, so he's burying it, inspired by the Egyptian Pharaohs, in the hope of having it in his afterlife
In a photo on his social network site Count Scarpa stands beside his black Flying Spur, the latest model on the market, with a cockatoo on his arm and writes: 'I decided to do as the Pharaohs: this week I will bury my favourite car, the Bentley here in the home garden! Bury my treasure in my palace rssss !!!'
He says he’s digging the grave in the back garden of his mansion in Jardins, one of the wealthiest neighbourhoods in Sao Paulo.
On Tuesday, in another photo, sporting a pink tie, with his foot on a shovel, he stands in front of a deep hole with his shining Bentley parked behind him and warns: 'For those who doubt me, yesterday I already started making the hole in the garden to bury my Bentley! By the end of the week I will bury it'
The self-made businessman, who has a degree in economics and is a black belt instructor and owner of the Institute Maruyama Aikido, a Japanese martial arts academy, explains that his decision to start storing up his treasures for the life beyond came after watching a programme on Ancient Egypt on Sunday.
'I was watching a documentary about the pharaohs of Egypt, very interesting. They buried his entire fortune to have a comfortable life "the other side"!' he says.
Will he bury his parrot? After watching a documentary on Egypt on Sunday, he says he is completely serious and is going ahead with his car's funeral tomorrow
Will he bury his parrot? After watching a documentary on Egypt on Sunday, he says he is completely serious and is going ahead with his car's funeral tomorrow. There was no mention of whether he wants his pet bird in the afterlife too
By Tuesday his decision to bury his Bentley had received over 5680 likes and more than 6000 shares.
On Wednesday, a new photo appeared updating his plans and shows just how serious he is. He’s pictured operating an excavator, in a cream coloured suit and lime green tie. It looks like he’s spent quite a few hours digging the grave. In front of him is very deep hole with a huge pile of dirt beside it.
On the same day he reveals that he’s appearing on a satirical talk show on Bandeirantes television,  hosted by Danilo Gentili  – photographed with him, to talk about the funeral of his beloved Bentley.   
In the TV interview he explains to viewers that he was travelling back from his farm after celebrating his birthday on Sunday and started thinking about how the pharaohs were buried with the most precious items in their life.
“I watched the film of the pharaohs and after seeing how they were buried with their treasures I decided that I wanted to copy them and bury my most precious item, which is my car,” he says.
In between his explanation, viewers tweet their comments. One says wryly: 'Chiquinho, is it true you want to bury your imported car because you don’t want to pay your taxes?'
'No,' he answers straight-faced. 'I’ve already shown all my documents to the authorities before doing the funeral.'
Another asks if he wants to adopt a family from Brasilia. He says he’s currently single and doesn’t want a family.  A lot of the comments are however, very critical and accuse him of wasting money. Instead of burying his car he should donate the proceeds to help Brazilian people.  ‘Maria Lucia’ sends a message begging Scarpa to send the car to her as she needs the cash.
Scarpa has had a brush with death a few times, having been in a coma with a superbug, so he's hyper-alert to preparing for what comes after life
Scarpa has had a brush with death a few times, having been in a coma with a superbug, so he's hyper-alert to preparing for what comes after life
Others are sarcastic: 'This is nothing new. Chiquinho may be burying his car but the Brazilian government has buried the Brazilian people,' says one referring to corruption and the wealth of the nation being 'buried' in the pockets of bent politicians.  
Scarpa says he is not one of these corrupt individuals and has paid all his taxes, never been in debt or been bankrupt.
‘Alex’ on the other hand agrees with the crazy decision and tweets: 'I think you should do what you want to do, because it shows that you cannot take anything with you from this life and you might as well enjoy the idea of doing so. However, if you would like to help me with the social project I’m running, I would be very grateful.'
Scarpa is not new to the idea of facing death. In 2009 he was in a coma for over two months  after a superbug nearly killed him following a stomach reduction operation. He ‘died’ twice during the ordeal and was given the last rites on both occasions by a priest.
In an interview with celebrity magazine, Caras, in January this year he said: 'When I had the surgery, I got a very strong bacteria that killed several people.
Count Scarpa says he was inspired to bury his most treasured possession after watching a documentary on Sunday about the Egyptian Pharaohs
Count Scarpa says he was inspired to bury his most treasured possession after watching a documentary on Sunday about the Egyptian Pharaohs
The treasures buried with King Tutankhamun, pictured left in the Valley of Kings, and right, his exhibited gold mask, were believed to travel with the dead to their next life
The treasures buried with King Tutankhamun, pictured left in the Valley of Kings, and right, his exhibited gold mask, were believed to travel with the dead to their next life
The treasures buried with King Tutankhamun, pictured left in the Valley of Kings, and right, his exhibited gold mask, were believed to travel with the dead to their next life
'I was in a coma for 63 days; the doctor told me he had 'opened' me eight times. I came close to death twice. The priest gave me two anointings. This was all because of bacteria. I took it and got away with it. Unfortunately this was not the case with my mother. She had an operation on her femur, got the bacterium and died in February 2012. I am strong,' he adds.
Scarpa lives in one of the most expensive areas in Sao Paulo in a property spanning more than 14000m2. He inherited his title from his Italian-born father Count Francisco Scarpa who was given the honour by Pope Pius XII in 1949, for his charitable contributions to society.  
The eccentric businessman benefitted from his father’s wealth and made his fortune from the brewery and mining industry. He now runs an investment company and has been married twice. His first wife died and he is divorced from the second.  
He has even met Chelsea Football Club owner, Russian businessman, Roman Abramovich who invited him to visit his yacht in Capri, Italy, for dinner two years ago.
With no children to carry on the family name Scarpa says his cockatoo, which is perched on his arm in the facebook picture showing him standing beside his Bentley, is his offspring.
'This here is my "daughter",' he said in the interview with Caras.  'She is called Filomena Leopoldina Sofia Scarpa. She is six-months-old and is endangered,' he said.
The white cockatoo – which even has her own business card - is one of the most expensive birds in the world costing around £14,000.
The Pharaohs were known for burying their beloved pets with them so they could enjoy their company in the afterlife. So far Scarpa hasn’t said whether he plans to do the same with Filomena.

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

ways to keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship

There is a lot that goes into to being able to keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship. First, you need a partner that is willing to go the distance (literally). Then make sure that what you all have is based on a strong foundation of love and faith in each other.

1. Check in with Each Other

Checking in is an easy way to keep the spark alive in a long distance relationship. Don’t let a day go by without an “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you.” Everyone needs a little love and affection even if they don’t come right out and say it. Show your guy that you care. Even if you risk being uncool by getting a little emotional every now and then, do it. What can it hurt to show the one that you love a little love?

2. Don’t Discuss Everything through Text

We are very blessed to be able to communicate so easily. That being said, text messages should not be your only form of communication. Text messages are just too vague and they cannot convey emotions and the tense of your conversation. By not discussing serious matters through texts, you are avoiding some senseless arguments.

3. Send Love Letters

It is super old fashioned to send love letters, but do it. They are a sentimental way to show your love and appreciation. You don’t have to get all lovey dovey and write every single feeling. One or two letters about that is ok. Then just talk about what you want out of life. You know things that are important to you and him. These letters are a way for the two of you to establish a deep connection.

4. Be Patient

Love does not speed up for anyone. It takes time and patience. Throw in a bit of distance, and it will take patience as well. You need to decide if the relationship is worth the distance. If it is, then be patient with it. Don’t force the “I love you” to happen. It just will. You have to really hold your peace with this type of relationship. Your patience might just be the key to making it work out for the long run.

5. Visit Each Other as Much as Possible

Visits are like a support beam for long distance relationships. They help you reestablish that loving connection. It is like reassurance as to why you have got to keep going. Visits should be special. Don’t make the time you two have together menial. Go to your favorite restaurant, watch your favorite movie together, or even just sit and talk. The key is making sure to enjoy each other’s company.

6. Don’t Give up without Trying First

Long distance relationships can be hard on anyone but if your love is worth it, it can be amazingly rewarding. I urge you to not give up on it until you have given the relationship an honest chance. Then after you have done all you can do, make your decision. Distance will always be distance. Don’t let it get in the way of your happiness.

7 types of relationships to be wary of

With all of the different relationships out there, do you know what relationships that are best avoided? Relationships are precious in most cases, but there are also relationships that are best avoided out there too. For example, you don't want to be in a relationship that is all take and no give, nor do you want to be in a relationship that is full of cheating or just too comfortable. here are some hints on relationships to be wary of:

The very first relationships that are best avoided is the take, take, take relationship. This relationship is full of nothing but taking! Either your partner is constantly taking from you or you are constantly taking from your partner. It’s a relationship that is not about giving at all, which is not good for anyone. This is a relationship that you need to get out of as soon as you can, otherwise you could lose yourself completely!
The on again and off again relationship is one of those that is really hard to be in, because you never, ever know where you stand in this type of relationship. If you are in an on again, off again relationship, get off the carousal and really see if you can figure out if your boyfriend or girlfriend can commit to you completely.
Ah, this has to be one of the worst types of relationships out there, as it is full of cheating. Believe it or not, there are a lot of couples out there that cheat on each other – but are still in a relationship with one another. Why? Well, it’s unclear, but they have gotten really sneaky at hiding the fact that they are cheating on each other really well.
These are the couples that can’t get enough of each other, that have to do everything together and they almost come as a pair, instead of individual people. They hardly ever use the term ‘I’ and instead, it’s all about the ‘we’. This is the type of relationship that could be happy, but there really is no independence in their relationship at all, which can be damaging if they do happen to break up.
Oh, the drama in this type of relationship. This is a relationship that you just wish that they would break up, because they fight about every single thing, no matter what it is. They also don’t care who is there, because why would they? It’s their relationship and you are just living near it.
This relationship is all about who is the most dominating and who is the most controlling. It’s a power-struggle relationship, where both of the people are really trying to figure out who has the most power and who is going to tell the other person what to do. It’s a tough relationship to be in – all of the time.
Finally, this is a relationship that a ton of people fall right into. It’s a relationship that is built around comfort, not necessarily love or need. It’s a relationship that isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s just contentment and settling and who wants that? Don’t you want a relationship that is packed full of love and want?

source: allwomenstalk

Monday, 29 July 2013

tips that’ll help you get closer to your partner

You can stop feeling sorry for your friends in long-distance relationships: Turns out, long-distance couples tend to have stronger relationships, according to a new study published in the Journal of Communication.
For the study, researchers from the City University of Hong Kong and Cornell University had 63 couples (30 of which were long-distance) keep track of every single interaction they had during the course of a week. Researchers also asked them how close they felt to their partner after each of these interactions. Sure enough, the long-distance couples reported higher levels of intimacy.
While it might be counterintuitive, this doesn’t come as a total shock: Previous research published in 2010 shows that long-distance couples tend to report more relationship satisfaction, higher levels of trust, and more stability than their non-long-distance counterparts.
So why does absence really seem to make the heart grow fonder? There are likely two things at work, say study authors: First, people in long-distance relationships appear to be better communicators, according to the interactions they recorded. Another factor might be that couples separated by distance in the study were more likely to idealize each other; they viewed their partners as being even more communicative than they actually were—which helped keep positive feelings about them flowing.
That’s not to say that you have to live several states away from your partner to have a solid relationship. Just follow these tips from study author Crystal Jiang, PhD, an assistant professor in the department of media and communication at the City University of Hong Kong, to steal the same strategies that people in long-distance relationships tend to use:
Tell Your Partner How You Feel
Sure, long-distance couples tend to express their affection and commitment more often—and it doesn’t hurt to say that you love each other on a regular basis (even if it goes without saying). But that’s not the only feeling you should be talking about with your S.O. In the study, long-distance couples did more of something researchers call “self-disclosure,” which basically means opening up about what you’ve been thinking, feeling, and doing lately. So the next time you’re debating whether to tell your partner about the annoying thing that happened at work recently, start talking. “Self-disclosure is one of the ways people communicate intimacy and caring,” says Jiang.
Listen Up
Whereas you might show your partner some love by picking up dinner for them or offering to go to Ikea with them to make the trip a little more fun, long-distance couples usually don’t have that option. What they can offer: their attention. “People in long-distance relationships are often valued for their ability to provide special insight, empathy, or understanding,” says Jiang. Follow their lead by really listening to what your partner says to you—even when you’re in one of those just-smile-and-nodmoods. What exactly you say in response to your partner isn’t nearly as important as clearly addressing what they’ve just said in a supportive way. ”Efforts are really the key thing here,” says Jiang.
Cut Your Partner Some Slack
As we mentioned earlier, one of the big reasons researchers say long-distance relationships are stronger is that people tend to idealize their S.O. when they don’t have to see them throwing their dirty socks on the floor or playing video games every day. Totally losing touch with reality obviously isn’t a good thing, but keeping mental tabs on the good things about your partner—and even building them up a little bit—is going to be way better for your bond than fuming (silently or otherwise) about his Xbox addiction. “Moderate idealization can help couples stay positive about their partner’s traits,” says Jiang. So focus on how sweet it was when he refused to let you do the dishes the other night—and maybe look the other way the next time he forgets that hampers exist.

Sunday, 28 July 2013

14 positive powers of prayer

Prayer. It is something that not everyone practices, but those who do believe strongly in its healing power. It is the practice of connecting spiritually to something or someone that gives a deeper meaning to life. There are two dimensions to prayer.
One is the self-awareness and self-reflection which is internal and the other is a connection with something deeper such as a higher power. When done with the correct intentions, prayer can have a number of different benefits.
1. It gives a feeling of hope and sense of optimism.
2. It helps to give a sense of gratitude for those around you and for the things that you have that others may not.
3. It can help to control impulsive actions and help to delay gratification for the person that is praying. It can help them to see the whole picture and see if what they are about to do will cause harm to anyone.
4. It can give someone a broader perspective on life and help them see the bigger picture.
5. It can help to see the beauty and commonality of diversity.
6. It can help you focus and concentrate because you are clearing your mind to pray.
7. It can help people to forgive when they otherwise may have a hard time doing so. It helps them to forget about the past and move forward to the future.
8. It gives people a sense of security in where they are going in life.
9. Prayer gives a comfort and a sense of being protected. It also decreases stress and anxiety.
10. Prayer time can be used for rational thinking.
11. It can give new and creative ways to solve problems that come up in life.
12. It will help you to unleash your emotions and thoughts.
13. It can increase confidence and be used as a time to self-affirm.
14. Prayer can help someone learn how to increase social maturity and how to connect with others.

Five Components to Decision-Making

How many times have you realized you made the wrong decision, but it was too late? In his new book, Before You Do: Making Great Decisions You Won't Regret, Bishop T.D. Jakes, says there are five crucial components to making smart decisions that won't lead to a lifelong regret.

1. Research: Gathering Information and Collecting Data
"This is not about the destination. This is about the journey; how do I get to a good decision," Bishop Jakes says. For example, Dr. Phil's guest, Bruce, should ask himself if it's fair to blame his wife for their sons' illnesses. He should also take a step back and see what he needs to do to bond with his wife. "You can never make a good decision with bad information. A lot of people make a decision based on their emotions, but you really want to bring together, not just how you feel about it, but what are the facts."

2. Roadwork: Removing Obstacles and Clearing the Path
Think about the obstacles blocking your path and figure out how to overcome them to attain what you want. "As you're going through the process of moving on with your life, you've got to clear some things out of the way," Bishop Jakes says to Bruce and his wife, Sabrina. "You've still got this ‘junk in the trunk' that you've collected along the way, and you're trying to go ahead with your life, as if you have not had a crisis. As you begin to move those obstacles out of the way, you clear the path to increase your chances of reaching the destination of living happily together."

3. Rewards: Listing Choices and Imagining Their Consequences
The consequences are the rewards. "You have never had any small rewards along the way; little reprieves, some moments of happiness. They are very short-lived, and it's very, very important," Bishop Jakes tells Bruce and Sabrina. Going for long periods without satiety doesn't make for a successful relationship. "You have not had those little ah-ha moments where you begin to really celebrate each other and have some relief from this stress and pressure ...  Take the power back by saying to yourself, ‘I can't help what happened to me, but I can change how I react to what happens to me.' That gives you the power back."

4. Revelation: Narrowing Your Options and Making Selections
Pray, meditate and find a way to get a clear picture on how your decision will turn out over a lifetime. Ask yourself what success looks like for you. "The revelation is that you still have many choices that you can make that are very positive and very meaningful," Bishop Jakes explains. "You get the revelation of seeing things correctly. When you see better, you do better."

5. Rearview: Looking Back and Adjusting as Necessary to Stay on Course
When revisiting a decision, decide if your choice accomplished what you set out to do. "Looking back on the situation and putting it behind you, assessing it and getting it in perspective is very, very important, because our wisdom is accumulated from when we look back at situations, we and learn from them. That's why, hopefully, as we get older, we get wiser," Bishop Jakes says.

Friday, 26 July 2013

warning signs of a troubled marriage

Although we all love to be happily married, couples often find themselves caught off guard when a marriage breaks. The reasons may range from silly to serious. It happens in the most unexpected way. Only when you face the situation do you actually begin to think back and realise if you missed the warning signs.
Here are a few situations that suggest trouble in your marriage
1. Digging up the past, name calling, verbally abusing and belittling in-laws have almost become common for you two.
2. Both look for silly excuses to fight. You try avoiding each other and don’t look forward to coming back home anymore. Even a trivial complaint turns into a bitter fight. You feel there’s no workable solution in sight.
3. Nothing is a joint decision anymore. There’s no logic behind your explanation. It’s simply a matter of ego to prove what you feel is right.
4. Jealousy creeps in. There’s no healthy competition anymore. It’s not at all fun to ask for guidance as you are belittled for your complete lack of knowledge or ignorance. You can’t take your spouse into confidence.
5. Your spouse can’t think beyond himself/herself. You feel like an outsider being neglected and unwanted. You don’t feel part of the family at all. It is no more our family but ‘my family’. This means danger!
6. One of you cheats. Extra-marital affair is a strict no-no and ruins family life. It’s an unpardonable mistake and means the end of a marriage.
7. Neither of you are inclined towards sex. It kind of becomes mechanical with absolutely no passion. Sex is something that keeps the marriage going.
8. You don’t seem to sort out issues then and there. Either of you is an escapist and avoids confrontation. You have bottled it all up and can’t wait for it to burst so you can put an end to your relationship.
9. No communication of any sorts. Forget the mushy notes and flower bouquet, your partner doesn’t bother asking ‘how are you’ in a mail or text message. When there’s total silence between the two of you and you run out of topics to talk, then your relationship has reached a dead end.

How to be a great girlfriend in 7 difficult situations

young black couple
It’s easy to know what to do when everything is going fine in you and your man’s lives; be sweet, funny, charming, hot—you know, the usual. But when disaster strikes your partner, there are some behaviors you need to ease up on, and some that will be all new territory for you. Here’s how to be a quintessential and supportive girlfriend in some of life’s most trying situations.


Maybe it’s an ex who left him at the alter or cheated on him, or perhaps an ex who went a little crazy and warranted a restraining order. Either way, you can’t just go on as if nothing just happened when you and your man run into his ex.


If it was an ex who broke his heart, you might wonder if he still has feelings for her. But look: he is with you now. The last thing he needs after running into an ex is to have to console you and let you know everything is okay. In this case, act casual, happy and just ask, “Was that weird for you?” “Weird” is a neutral word. It doesn’t imply sad, scary, upsetting or anything in particular. It opens it up to your man to say whatever is on his mind, and it displays no judgment on your part. If it’s a crazy ex, she will in all likelihood do something crazy when she sees him with you, like yell at you, throw a drink at you, shove you or a number of things. You have to act completely un-phased by it, because your man will be so embarrassed that he ever dated someone like that, and feel terrible you had to feel her wrath. Laugh it off. Tell him you’re so sorry for him. Change the subject as soon as possible. If possible, ask him to go do his favorite activity.


Sometimes parents just suck, right? Sometimes, instead of being the unconditionally loving, supportive and comforting people they should be, they are harsh, unsupportive, critical, judgmental and hurtful. And it is very uncomfortable for your partner to have you see his parents be this way towards him.


If your man’s parent was just a total heart-less jerk to him, saying or doing something very un-maternal/paternal, he’s no idiot, and you can’t put a nice spin on why they did it. So show your man you see what he sees: tell him that yes, his parent is being awful right now! And it must be very painful for him. But, at the same time, nobody wants to see their parent as a monster, and you—as a non family member—are not really in a place to trash talk. So, while you sympathize and acknowledge how tough the parent is being, also analyze. Tell your partner there must be a reason his parent is being that way—some fear they have, or stress they are under. At the end of the day, whether we like it or not, we cannot dismiss our parents entirely. Part of surviving with them, is rationalizing some of the awful things they do. Help your partner do that.


When a man gets fired, he doesn’t feel like a man. He doesn’t feel that he has the skills to provide not only for himself but for a family one day. In addition, men have an incredible sense of competition, and in this economy, it’s even higher. Each man feels like he won’t be the one to get the boot. And when it happens, it’s even more devastating because he knows, in this economy, how much harder it will be to get back up.


There is nothing sophisticated, complicated or even that psychological about this solution: your man needs to still feel competent and attractive in some arena of his life! He doesn’t want your pity, and to be honest, he doesn’t even want your help finding a new job. All he needs from the woman in his life is to still be a man in her eyes. Get ready to be active in the bedroom; your man needs your attention. As for talking about the issue, only do it when he wants to. If he isn’t bringing it up, it’s because he wants it off his mind right now.


When his screenplay gets rejected for the tenth time, or he once again doesn’t land that acting job, or is denied a loan to start his business or in some way, his baby (his dream) that he has been nursing for years still isn’t finding its place in the world, what do you do? What do you tell a man up against all odds?


Remind him that any role model he has in his field was exactly where he is now at one point. Remind him that while he persists and persists, his competitors lose hope and drop out of the race. Remind him that no step or effort is wasted because connections or lessons are gained from each. Remind him that he has nothing to lose, and that the worst that can happen by continuing on is more rejection, and he already knows how to handle that, right? Remind him that life is too short to not go after your dreams, and while chances are slim of them coming true now, they go down to zero if he gives up.


This is a tough situation because, unless you are a doctor, there is very little you can do to remedy the actual problem at hand. And if you think you feel helpless, your man feels even more helpless seeing his mother/brother/best friend in a dangerous medical situation.


Often, when someone is hurting emotionally, and somebody comes in trying to “fix” things, the person in pain feels a responsibility to at least make it seem like the fixer actually, well, fixed things. But, you’re not really fixing anything; you’re just giving your guy an added responsibility of having to now make you feel good about your efforts. Don’t try to tell your guy it will be okay, or offer a million ways to make him feel better. Just be there when he wants to talk, cuddle, cry or have company. You don’t have to say anything. And then help in the ways you can, like with chores, or errands, or helping out the rest of his family that is affected by the situation. He’ll appreciate that you are realistic about the problem at hand.


Even the least paternal man feels a sense of fatherly love towards his dog. He may not have even realized what a big responsibility it had been in his life at the time—waking up early to feed the dog, putting aside money for vet visits, organizing for pet sitters—but when a man’s dog gets ill and eventually passes, he may realize for the first time that he was the protector of this living thing and he may feel that he failed.


Nobody ever loves your dog as much as you do. For that reason, people often write off the pain you are in when your pet passes away. They’ll give you a quick, “Aw, I’m sorry” maybe accompanied by a hug, but then they’ll ask you what you want on your sandwich. Life goes on for everyone else, and you have to pretend you’re not in immense pain because it was just an animal, right? Wrong! Your guy can either feel incredibly emotionally distant from you in this time if you’re not going through the pain with him, or he can feel you’re the only person that gets him. Treat this like the death of a human. That’s how it feels to your guy. For weeks, possibly even months, treat your man as if he just went through a big loss. Things will be about him for a bit—about making him feel better.


Hopefully your man isn’t struck with anything untreatable, but he still might go through periods of being very ill for a long time. Fighting pneumonia, recovering from a surgery, or fighting an infection. There are plenty of things that could have your boyfriend out of shape, out of work, and out of his regular life for weeks or even months.


The biggest mistake partners make when the other is sick is forgetting, that person can’t do the stuff you used to do! They probably cannot have sex as often (or perhaps at all while sick), they don’t have the energy to go out for dinner, having friends over exhausts them. Don’t ask them to do those things unless they suggest them themselves. Otherwise, your partner will end up worrying about letting you down and dragging you into their sickness with them. And that literally adds insult to injury. Do what you need to do for yourself—see your friends, go to your workout class, buy a good vibrator—so that you’re energized to take care of your partner. Taking care of yourself is one of the most crucial parts to taking care of someone else. If you don’t do it, you’ll be exhausted, irritated and a poor caretaker.

source: ynaija

seven ways to strike good friendship wherever you go

If you find that meeting people and connecting with them is really difficult, it’s time to learn a few ways to make new friends that won’t end in disaster. When meeting people, communication is pretty much everything. You can’t connect with people when you don’t communicate with them or you don’t pick up on their ways of communication. Keep reading to get tips on meeting people and ways to make new friends.


One of the most essential ways to make new friends is to introduce yourself or have someone else introduce you. How will you make new friends if you don’t take the time out to meet people? It’s important to approach those friendly faces, say ‘Hello,’ tell them who you are, then strike up a conversation. After that, then a friendship can develop, but the first step is the introduction. Depending on where you are and whom you’re with, your introduction may be formal, casual, humorous, etc. Adapt to your surroundings and don’t think your introduction is limited to ‘Hello my name is Joy, what’s yours?’ Which brings me to my next point.


You’ve got to pay attention to the nonverbal cues of your communication partners. If someone looks like they’re in a rush or they’re busy, you may want to strike up a conversation another time, or find a new person with whom to communicate. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people who were oblivious to their partner’s nonverbal cues. When your communication partner is tapping her foot, looking at her watch, giving one word answers, sighing, and looking away, it’s time to end the conversation. Some people will tell you when they can’t talk, but many people are passive and they won’t. Be mindful of nonverbal cues. I’m sure your communication partner will appreciate it and they’re more likely to want to talk to you another time.


A great way to get to know people and make friends is by asking questions that require more than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ The conversation can reach its end very quickly when it only consists of closed ended questions, ‘yes’, and ‘no,’ not to mention that it can also be extremely boring. Try asking the person about their hobbies or what topics most interest them. Make them elaborate; you’ll get to know them a lot better that way, and the conversation could be ten times more interesting.


When you’re making new friends, be sure to actively listen. Make sure they know you’re interested in what they’re saying. Nod, smile, and ask for clarification when you need it. I learned in my communication class that most women like to get feedback from the listener such as “uh-huh” or “yeah, that’s right.” However, when the listener gives that same feedback to men, many times the men see it as interrupting rather than listening. Cool, huh? Ask your female and male friends and see what they think! That knowledge would be helpful when attempting to actively listen!


A great way to make new friends is to talk about both of your interests. If you’re into Biology and love talking about the lysozyme contained excretions in the lumen of the kidney, that doesn’t mean your communication partners will. To be honest, they probably won’t even care. If you want to build a relationship, a great way to start is with your similarities. Speaking of similarities…


There’s value in mentioning things you both have in common. It connects you in a deeper way, beyond humanity, sex, and location. If you both have the same shoes, you can talk about how good they look with their outfit or how you had such a difficult time finding them, etc. Similarities open up a world of more things to talk about. Results to a psychological study showed that we tend to like people more when they have things in common with us. So don’t forget to mention those similarities when making new friends.


Yep! You knew this one was coming. When making new friends, the most important thing is to be yourself. Trying to be someone you’re not will only make you uncomfortable in the end. Why start the friendship off under false pretenses? That’s a recipe for disaster. If you meet someone and he or she doesn’t like you for who you are, you don’t need that person’s friendship. There are plenty of people who’d love your companionship, so you don’t have to waste your time on the ones who don’t.

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

3 ways money breaks up marriages


It’s certainly not a cliche: How to spend money is the number one argument married couples fight about and, if left unresolved, can lead to divorce. According to a recent article, the upside of marriage is the health benefits of being together; the downside is the stress of unresolved financial goals can negate that benefit. Most people marry someone who has a different view regarding spending. These viewpoints should not be seen as a negative and something to change: It is the coming together as a couple that creates a healthy balance in setting financial goals. A conservative’s restraint will make sure the family has the funds needed to take that fun vacation the more free spending person visualizes. Both are essential: Two conservatives can lean toward selfishness and two unrestrained spenders can lean toward irresponsibility.
The key is to acknowledge the reasons why you have particular beliefs about money individually and how, as a couple, you can combine each other’s strengths and weaknesses to enjoy a wealthy life together. Here are three ways money will break up your marriage if you are not proactive:
1. You avoid talking about money. Unfortunately, most couples would rather not talk about it at all. You find ways to avoid mentioning the topic of money, knowing it will lead to a blowout. But this approach only gives ammunition to the time bomb. For instance, you’re out to eat with friends and your sweetie insists on paying the tab … again. He shows his affection for others through spending and he relishes in the good vibes he receives from that showing generosity. You, on the other hand, are mentally calculating how you can make up the difference in cash flow. It is a source of stress within your relationship. You dare not talk about it because you know that conversation always turns into a huge fight and nothing gets accomplished. However, you feel resentment building. Release it by talking it out!
2. There’s a lack of mutual financial priorities. Your personal financial goal is to pay down all of your combined debt, but you face an uphill battle because your significant other spends the extra cash (every last dime of it). It’s not that his view of money is wrong and yours is correct; it’s just that there’s a lack of communicating to each other where to delegate funds. Many people believe budgeting is negative and constraining, but planning when to spend (or save) your cash will go is a valuable tool. Together, you can agree on what is important and how those goals will be achieved. Without planning and focusing on the priorities, it’s very easy to have prosperity become allusive.
3. You associate money with self-esteem. Society dictates that happiness is found at the ATM; the more cash you spend, the better life will be.  Becoming united in your mutual relationship with money is essential to avoiding divorce. When you do not have a shared financial vision, restraint is totally cast off. As a relationship coach, I believe more couples avoid talking about money because they know it will set off a bad reaction. The tension and fighting feels like the other person doesn’t love them anymore and avoidance becomes the norm. That is why is it vital to prepare for love before you enter a committed relationship. Once you take proactive steps to set your priorities, the easier it will be for you to communicate what is important in the shared life you want to create and experience with the love of your life.
No matter where you are in couplehood or marriage, you can make a decision to release the fear of discussing finances and remove that barrier to the love and mutually fulfilling life you deserve to experience.

source: ynaija

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

An Open Letter to Women from Men

Dear Women,
First of all, we’re sorry. We’re sorry that although we look like men, we often act like boys. We’re not even sure what it means to be men anymore. As we grow up, we learn that to be happy is to be self-indulgent and self-centered. We try to make enough money so that we can have the right TV with the right video games in the right home. We want to date you and maybe even marry you but we are scared to focus on someone else instead of ourselves. Isn’t it sad that we see committing to you as a potential threat to our happiness instead of a wonderful opportunity?
Here’s what we don’t understand: True happiness comes from being true men. We think and act like boys who don’t want their toys taken away. We look up to “role models” in the media who teach us to get as much gratification out of life as possible. We may claim to be spiritual, or even firm atheists, but pleasure is the god that we worship, whether we realize it or not. Unfortunately, women tend to be just another part of our hedonistic lifestyle. Please know this: True men won’t treat you like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.
A real man understands that women are to be cherished and treated with care and honor. He sees marriage as the opportunity to be a real-life superhero—he leaves behind his old identity and becomes a new person, dedicated to serving his wife and children. Although he will struggle at first, a true man who marries eventually understands that he can’t fit through the narrow doorway to happiness if he tries to carry all of his toys with him. There is just enough room for him and his wife, arm in arm, committed to their marriage.
Women, you can help us become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.
In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We’ll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! What a concept!
Once again, we’re sorry. We are to blame, even though good male role models are hard to find these days. We’ve ignored our calling to become true men and instead act like we’re in high school for as long as we can. Please trust that we are capable of more than this.
If you are frustrated with the man in your life, do your best to forgive him and start fresh. After a while, if it’s clear that he will not become a real man, leave him. You deserve better.
A healthy relationship will make everyone involved feel happy. When we are happy, we are capable of living meaningful and fulfilling lives alongside one another. Thank you for your understanding and patience as we journey onward to find happiness and become real men.