Tuesday 30 April 2013


If we consider the history of the institution of marriage, all of us would agree that it started at the time of creation itself. Man and woman are different both biologically and in mental makeup. However, the creation would not continue if man and woman do not come together. The physical and emotional needs unite man and woman and marriages take place. Till the beginning of the twentieth century, joint families and lifetime single marriages were quite prevalent. Divorces were few and far in between.
However, things started changing as more and more women took up careers and achieved financial independence. The dependence of women on men declined and even small disagreements were magnified to a large extent that they were considered to be impinging on the individuality. Let us consider the top 15 reasons why couples break up:::
1. Desire to be independent.
2. Getting attracted to another person.
3. Infidelity.
4. Physical incompatibility.
5. Less attracted to the person in a sexual way.
6. Lack of proper body maintenance, like becoming too fat.
7. Conflict in tastes and desires.
8. Continuous nagging.
9. Comparing the man or woman to others constantly
10. Imparting unsolicited advice all the time
11. Addiction to alcohol or drugs
12. Deterioration in the health of one spouse or suffering from incurable ailments like HIV
13. Physical and mental abuse and exhibiting sadistic tendencies
14. Ignoring or showing disrespect to friends and relatives of one spouse
15. Impotency or inability to bear children.
The above reasons are all chief causes for a marriage breakup. Sometimes, one reason alone might be enough for separation, while in several cases, a combination of a few of them lead to divorce. In this list, getting attracted to another person and infidelity might appear similar, but there is one important difference between them. In the former, the man or the woman might become more interested in another person and might think of leading a life of marriage with that person as a better option to the current life. In this case, the decision for separation from the present spouse could be taken before a physical contact with the other person. On the other hand, infidelity is actual extra-marital relationship, which is a sure marriage breaker in several cases.
In certain marriages, when the man and woman become united without a physical relationship before the marriage, the physical incompatibility might become apparent when the marriage is consummated, leading to separation. Similarly, the impotency in man or the inability of the woman to bear a child either immediately after the marriage or after several years could result in a divorce. The reduction in physical desire after a few years had also been a cause for the breakup of the marriage. If the health of the man or the woman deteriorates sharply or if they contract incurable diseases like HIV, the marriage might fail. Even the neglect by a spouse of maintaining the physical fitness and becoming too fat or too weak could break a marriage.
Physical and mental abuse is another major reason for divorces. Sadistic tendencies in either spouse that lead to continuous physical or mental torture usually ends in parting of ways. Too much addiction to alcohol or drugs had also led to marriage failures in several cases. Too much nagging by a spouse, and this is usually done more by women than men, had resulted in marriage breakup very often. The other similar reasons are comparing the man or the woman with other persons continuously and hurting the sentiments or creating an inferiority complex could also lead to divorce.
Even imparting unwarranted and unsolicited advice too often is considered as interference in the individuality, leading to disagreements. A joke is there that the psychiatrist charges you for the same advice that the wife gives you free. Too much of anything could spoil even a good relationship. Similarly, conflict in tastes and interests that were ignored during courtship or were considered trivial, assume a bigger shape after marriage and lead to fights. If the man or the woman ignore or show disrespect to the friends and relations of the other, that results in misunderstanding and creates irritation. Slowly, the couple starts drifting apart in such circumstances and finally part ways totally.
Finally, the financial independence achieved by women had brought in a change in their attitude. They feel that their individuality must be respected and should not be interfered with. Their economic dependence on men is much less or non-existent compared to olden days when women stayed at home. Further, the separate careers result in men and women working in different places, thus increasing not only the physical distance but also the mental distance. This invariably leads to separation. All these causes, either singly or in combination, end up in the couple breaking up. However, an understanding approach and a give-and-take policy would avoid divorces, if both men and women take a more tolerant attitude.

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