Friday 23 November 2012

Lovers Intending To Settle Down

When a couple have been together for a while, meaning they've stayed the course over several dates, and agreed to become exclusive, and maybe the m-is-for-marriage talk has come up, then it may be time for some serious talks. 

These discussions may be uncomfortable at first but they'll ensure the couple know each other fairly well and are on the same page on key issues that affect marriage relationships. Far from interrogation-style affairs, it would be easier if the couple is able to feel relaxed and build the topics into everyday conversation
1) Money: While nothing is as un-sexy as talking about a budget, money is one of the biggest sources of contention in a partnership. So bring it up. Talk about it often. This matters.

2) Children: Do you want them? Does he? How many? When do you want to try to have them? All very important questions as kids are more than a fashion accessory.

3) Dreams: What do you want out of life? What does your partner want? It’s important to talk about the things you both want out of life as well as how you can work together to make sure you EACH are able to meet those goals.

4) Living: Where are you going to live? His place? Yours? Somewhere else? And why do you want to live there? Is it best for both of you?

5) Family Ties: It’s important to be able to set up some emotional boundaries when it comes to extended family — yours and his. You don’t have to talk badly about your in-laws to figure out who goes where for what holiday.

6) Culture Clash: If religion is a big thing for either of you (or both of you), will you go to church? Will one of you change religions? Is it okay with you both if you’re not the same religion? What about how you’ll raise your kids?

7) Old Flames: Are you in contact with your old boyfriends? Is he? Does that matter?

8) Past Problems: It’s likely that you broke it off with other partners for a reason. Why? What did you learn about those relationships and yourself? What about him?

9) Losing Secrets: In a marriage, there are no secrets. You’ll be seeing it all. So may as well confess your dirty laundry and get accustomed to keeping the lines of communication open.

10) Communication: It’s important to talk about how to have a proper discussion with your partner. Communication is a vital part of relationships, so discuss how you each handle conflicts before you’re in the middle of one.

11) Values: What are your values? Which way does your moral compass face? What about his? What’s okay in his mind may not be okay in yours, so it’s vital to discuss this before you get in too deeply.

12) Sexuality: There’s an old myth about not having sex after you’re married, so it’s a good thing to consider and discuss. You may have everything it takes to make a great couple work … except chemistry. Important to discuss how to make THAT work for you both.

13) Love: How you each show your love matters after awhile. Are you one of those people who “fixes” things to show love or do you simply hug and cuddle that love? What about him? If you don’t make it clear how you show love, it can take a toll on a marriage.

14) Cleaning House: Who does what around the house? Will you have a “Honey Do” list for your husband? Will you be responsible for certain aspects while your partner does others? Which ones? How?

15) Date Night: Be sure you discuss the ways in which you and your partner will continue to spark the romance once the wedding vows are taken. Date night? Nights in front of the TV without any distractions? Doesn’t matter, but it needs to happen. Source

Some people think talking about things mean things are going bad, but talking is good. When the conversation is good, it builds the friendship between the couple because they gain better insight into each other and practice their communication and conflict resolution skills. I would suggest dating couples who are considering marriage should stop worrying whether the topics they are discussing and the answers they receive are acceptable and start paying attention to how those conversations affect their relationship.

Do conversations lead towards understanding, growth, closeness and respect? If the opposite is the case and you find that you disagree on several key issues, then it may be time to evaluate the future of the relationship. If a couple is compatible, their conversations will more likely create shared convictions, compassion and greater unity. Wishing you the very best.

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