The Beatles were still in their twenties when they wrote "We Can Work It Out," but somehow they understood that even though resolving issues can be hard, it is better than trashing a relationship, job or friendship. Here are ten tips to help you work things out.
1. When you're having a difficult discussion, put your angry emotions aside.
You can't be logical when you're mad. If you can't contain your ire, it
may be best to put talking on hold until after you calm down.
2. It's not about who's right
or wrong. If you try to blame your partner or make him or her wrong,
you won't find an answer. You both have to take responsibility for
getting your relationship back on a positive track.
3. Look for the high road and discuss what's best for both of you.
Don't settle for anything less than equality and the knowledge that you
are doing the right thing for yourself and your partner.
4. Be humble and don't rub your partner's nose in a misstep. If you gently share you feelings, whichever of you is the offending party will learn from his or her mistake much easier.
5. Agree to disagree (without being disagreeable). But
don't settle for less than a complete acceptance of each other's point
of view. If you walk away disappointed, you have not resolved your
issue. For a relationship to work, you both have to feel like you have
your partner's support.
6. Always have difficult conversations in private.
If you have kids, you don't want them to pick up the negativity; it can
make them feel insecure. Remember that you can be heard behind closed
doors, so keep the volume low and the vibe as calm as possible.
7. Before making a decision about how to handle a problem, make sure you consider all of your options.
This requires some brainstorming and working together to create a
positive solution. If done correctly, this process alone can heal the
8. Don't rush to judgment. You may not be able to come up with the best answers in the moment, so sleep
on it before you decide on a course of action. If you still cannot
reach a meeting of the minds, put the issue aside and look at it again
in a few days.
9. Trust that you can find an answer that will work for both of you. Going into the discussion with an optimistic heart and mind will make working it out much easier.
10. Consolidate the gains of your discussion. Review out loud what you agreed upon, put it in writing if it helps, and then kiss and make up.
Most people avoid difficult conversations because they fear
having an uncomfortable moment. I think a bad few minutes is better
than an uncomfortable life. Truth is that couples who embrace the desire
to work things out have the best relationships. Period!!!.
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