Courtship and Dating
is worrisome that most Marriages in our society don't pass through
courtship, people just get married with little or no idea of persons
they are spending the rest of their lives with.
Courtship is the
period of time couples intending to get married, try to know themselves
before marriage. It provides an opportunity for the man or woman to know
where he/she is heading to.
But unfortunately, people confuse dating with courtship.
Dating is NOT courtship. While Dating involves physical appearances and
sexual activities, not leading to Marriage...Courtship is a
relationship where Marriage is the only goal.
Courtship is a
process that must involve the Families of both parties. Parental
involvement is Key, both parents must be aware that their children are
courting. Parents are there to guide and assist their children during
courtship, but acknowledging the fact that their children are the main
This is different from the courtship practiced by our
parents, theirs were called "Arranged Marriage". In Arranged Marriage,
courtship was practiced solely between both parents. But it is strange
that "Arranged Marriage" still happens in our times. Ladies will be
contracted to get married to Men they have met only once or through
pictures, sometimes this motive is backed by financial gains or the
Ladies just wanna get Married
We are having lots of broken
homes and divorces in our society, because people get into marriage
without courting. A Lady will engage in sexual relationship with a Man,
and deem it fit he is a good Husband. We could avoid lots of problems in
our marital homes if Youths embraces courtship before Marriage.
The benefits of courtship could be summarized using the CUP Model.
1)-COMMUNICATION---This is very essential in courtship, there should be
no barrier whatsoever. The Lady must have full access to the man and
vice versa. During communication, the couples get to know one another
thoroughly. Issues such as "Likes" and "Dislikes" will be treated. The
man should be able to know what makes the woman happy or angry, and also
her temperament. Effective communication is Key, through communication
disagreements could be settled.
2)-UNDERSTANDING---At this stage,
they have already made up their mind in pursuing the Marriage idea. The
Lady or the Man has come to terms with each other behaviours and
attitudes. The Man knows what and what he has to sacrifice to achieve a
good home, likewise the womann.
3)-PURITY---Purity in courtship must
be observed. During courtship, SEX is not allowed. The Lady may visit
the man with a relative if there will be any room for temptation. Sex is
never a determining factor.
Some people argue, what if the woman
marries the man and found out he is impotent....what will she do. They
don't have a case, because during communication, both parties are
advised to ask sex-related questions between themselves. The Man will
ask how he wants sex to be, and the woman will lay out her conditions
during sex. If the man is actually impotent, a lady should be able to
fathom out if the man is impotent or not. Men are easily aroused, or the
woman demands an impotent test and vice versa(Optional).
at Sex before marriage and courtship is not left out. The couples
should relish their first sex and it will be worthwhile....but that's
never the case, as couples place sex above everything. A man will say,
he must have sex with you before proceeding on Marriage.
Duration of courtship is between 6months and 2years. Courtship outside
2years is not advisable, time waits for no Man and time is very fragile.
Its unfortunate we have gone passed the times of our parents, when
Virginity is a deciding factor. If a Lady is not a virgin, there will be
no courtship leading to Marriage. If her mother lied, during the night
of the wedding...if she doesn't soil the white bedsheets with her vagina
blood, she will be sent back home.
But we have also gone passed the
times of our Parents, as no man cares about a Virgin Wife. Everybody
wanna get married and start having Kids.
We have embraced change and Alculturation, and its unfortunate we are losing some of our most cherished cultural practices.
Please, observe courtship before you get married so as to save your Marital Homes. And remember, Dating is never Courtship.
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