Monday 10 December 2012

Courtship and Dating

It is worrisome that most Marriages in our society don't pass through courtship, people just get married with little or no idea of persons they are spending the rest of their lives with.
Courtship is the period of time couples intending to get married, try to know themselves before marriage. It provides an opportunity for the man or woman to know where he/she is heading to.
But unfortunately, people confuse dating with courtship.
Dating is NOT courtship. While Dating involves physical appearances and sexual activities, not leading to Marriage...Courtship is a relationship where Marriage is the only goal.

Courtship is a process that must involve the Families of both parties. Parental involvement is Key, both parents must be aware that their children are courting. Parents are there to guide and assist their children during courtship, but acknowledging the fact that their children are the main actors.
This is different from the courtship practiced by our parents, theirs were called "Arranged Marriage". In Arranged Marriage, courtship was practiced solely between both parents. But it is strange that "Arranged Marriage" still happens in our times. Ladies will be contracted to get married to Men they have met only once or through pictures, sometimes this motive is backed by financial gains or the Ladies just wanna get Married

We are having lots of broken homes and divorces in our society, because people get into marriage without courting. A Lady will engage in sexual relationship with a Man, and deem it fit he is a good Husband. We could avoid lots of problems in our marital homes if Youths embraces courtship before Marriage.
The benefits of courtship could be summarized using the CUP Model.

1)-COMMUNICATION---This is very essential in courtship, there should be no barrier whatsoever. The Lady must have full access to the man and vice versa. During communication, the couples get to know one another thoroughly. Issues such as "Likes" and "Dislikes" will be treated. The man should be able to know what makes the woman happy or angry, and also her temperament. Effective communication is Key, through communication disagreements could be settled.
2)-UNDERSTANDING---At this stage, they have already made up their mind in pursuing the Marriage idea. The Lady or the Man has come to terms with each other behaviours and attitudes. The Man knows what and what he has to sacrifice to achieve a good home, likewise the womann.
3)-PURITY---Purity in courtship must be observed. During courtship, SEX is not allowed. The Lady may visit the man with a relative if there will be any room for temptation. Sex is never a determining factor.
Some people argue, what if the woman marries the man and found out he is impotent....what will she do. They don't have a case, because during communication, both parties are advised to ask sex-related questions between themselves. The Man will ask how he wants sex to be, and the woman will lay out her conditions during sex. If the man is actually impotent, a lady should be able to fathom out if the man is impotent or not. Men are easily aroused, or the woman demands an impotent test and vice versa(Optional).
God frowns at Sex before marriage and courtship is not left out. The couples should relish their first sex and it will be worthwhile....but that's never the case, as couples place sex above everything. A man will say, he must have sex with you before proceeding on Marriage.
The Duration of courtship is between 6months and 2years. Courtship outside 2years is not advisable, time waits for no Man and time is very fragile.
Its unfortunate we have gone passed the times of our parents, when Virginity is a deciding factor. If a Lady is not a virgin, there will be no courtship leading to Marriage. If her mother lied, during the night of the wedding...if she doesn't soil the white bedsheets with her vagina blood, she will be sent back home.
But we have also gone passed the times of our Parents, as no man cares about a Virgin Wife. Everybody wanna get married and start having Kids.
We have embraced change and Alculturation, and its unfortunate we are losing some of our most cherished cultural practices.

Please, observe courtship before you get married so as to save your Marital Homes. And remember, Dating is never Courtship.

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