Tuesday, 11 December 2012
I wear his ring, now I carry another man’s child
I was in my room one very hot afternoon and in a very acidic mood. I didn’t know what had got me upset. My roommate was sitting right there, but we shared no conversation. We weren’t new to each other but we had just become roommates. She was already familiar with the terrain and the people around, but I had just moved in. I was up, trying to get the room arranged when we heard a knock, and before we could respond, he let himself in…what if we were naked?
“Ehhhhhh!!! Who has these biscuits on the table, can I have one please?” When he got no response, he turned facing me and my roommate, his eyes pleading. “It is mine” I finally said, “you can have some.” Thank you” he tottered as he threw a whole piece in his mouth. I don’t know what attracted me to him at that moment, although I didn’t even show any interest let alone smile at him…but deep down, I knew better. My groins tightened, not that he was so handsome but maybe for his reckless look. “You don’t smile, do you?” his voice brought me back to reality. I simply ignored the question with a wave of the hand. The rest of the time he chatted away with my roommate, picking from their conversation, I discovered he lived within the neighborhood.
Dropping by the apartment became often for him. The first time I was sure he came to see my roommate, but these other times; I just can’t tell who it was he comes to see. Then one fateful evening, he dropped by the house and my roommate had gone out. “She’s not around” I said to him on opening the door. “It is you I came to visit,” he simply said and strolled past me into the room. I was uncomfortable and breathing was hard. We sat on either side of the room and no one spoke, the silence was as thick as the walls of Jericho. He moved from his side of the room towards me where I sat on the bed and my heart froze. He quietly sat down on the bed beside me. He held me on my shoulders and gently turned me towards him so we could face each other. Am sure he knew what his presence does to me. “I like you,” he said as he starred deep into my eyes. I remember those words exactly like it was just this afternoon. “I ……….am engaged to someone,” I managed to reply. “It doesn’t matter dear,” he answered and before I could say anything, before I could understand what was going on, he covered my lips with his. I thought I tried to resist and push him away but no, I heard myself moaning at his touch, responding to his kiss, passionately. He touched me with so much passion, I couldn’t help it but let myself melt in his arms, I forgot everything around me and in my head, not even the fact that my wedding was few months away. I forgot everything. I submitted myself totally and even let him have me, completely. OMG!!!
It was until the show of shame was over that I regretted it, I wept, I felt guilty. How could I have betrayed a man that loved me so much? How could I have lost control without even realizing it? It was work that had moved me to another town from my fiancé and it hadn’t even been so long. After that day, my supposed neighbor and I never saw again, I had put an end to the ‘bastard’ act.
Weeks passed, then I started having strange feelings, and my body was changing. I dared not to think beyond the ordinary, “but I had not started my ovulation period then,” I consoled myself. “I can’t be pregnant,” I hoped and prayed it was something else. I can’t even bring myself to tell my roommate about it, so I took the first step. I went for a pregnancy test. “Congratulations,” the lab technician said as he handed me my test result and I gave him a stare that could send him to his grave, like it was his fault. “But God, it was just one day, one time, one stand,” my heart pleaded with God. Just one mistake and my future is so bleak.
I am in a state of dilemma, I’m pregnant, courtesy ‘the reckless guy’, that was what attracted me to him in the first place, wasn’t it. Now, I curse the day that I met him. I don’t know if I should tell him I’m carrying his baby. I can’t even dare to tell my fiancé that I’m pregnant for another man; he certainly would break up the wedding plans and I’m not ready to be a disgrace to my family. Moreover, God, I can’t even think of an abortion. I’m confused, I don’t know what to do, someone please help me out. I need your counseling.