Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Djinee answers Relationship questions about "what men want"
Djinee: To be less protective. With my last relationship I was too protective. Worried about her safety. Probably I was too obsessed. So I learnt to give some space.
Jemila: what do men want in a woman?
Djinee: Different men, different desires. Some men want trophy girlfriends/wives. The beautiful, model look-alike who they can show off to friends like a new car. Some men look out for women to complement them, good cooks, good lovers, good listeners… Different strokes for different folks.
Ijeoma: My boyfriend talks a lot, and it’s embarrassing. How can I get him to shut up when he needs to be?
Djinee: You might cause a fight if you are derogatory and insulting in your correction because anyone, male or female will feel slighted. Correct lovingly like you care what people think about him. Never shut him up in public.
Ayoka: what should a woman look out for in a man when she’s ready to make that final decision to be with him forever?
Djinee: The truth? You will never know. Some people can keep up their acts for years. Encourage your man to be free and make mistakes. Then you’d know what you can and cannot live with. When the man looks too perfect, 9 out of 10 something major is wrong.
Tina: “Lovers’ Rock” is such a beautiful song. I hope songs like that can revive the lost romance in society; can it?
Djinee: Thanks, Tina. Though I didn’t make the song for restoration purposes but I sincerely hope the listener gets to enjoy the song anytime it plays.
Helen: People pay too much attention to the physical. Is that why we have too many bad relationships and disastrous marriages?
Djinee: That’s one of the many reasons. Relationships are seen as businesses nowadays. People x-ray what they can profit from it. Now we are human, we will always falter and just like in companies, erring employees get suspended or sacked, same way relationships end. You dig?
Bimbo: Is it in a man’s DNA to be promiscuous?
Djinee: Promiscuity is no more likened to a particular gender especially with current trends. But it’s neither in any of the genders’ DNAs to be promiscuous.
Nneka: what’s the best way to communicate because I realise me and my boyfriend argue so very often that I’m thinking of just ending the relationship.
Djinee: The problem I see here is that the only time you guys trash out serious issues is when you are angry and arguing. My 2cents? You both should sit together one day when you’re not arguing or angry, maybe over drinks and talk about your issues. It might do well to even write them down. If you really care about each other, you’d wanna correct lovingly.
Lamide: should sex make up for an otherwise dull relationship? My fiancée and I have very little in common except when it comes to great sex. Is that enough reason to stay?
Djinee: As much as great sex is important, it isn’t the only factor. When you realise you can get sex anywhere then you’d have to crave for some other fulfilment. When you are facing the travails of life, great sex won’t fill the void!
Josephine: My friend’s boyfriend is very manipulative and always wants to get his way. He has turned my friend into this zombie! How’s the best way to tell her to dump the douche bag?
Djinee: I usually don’t encourage 3rd parties in relationships, Jo. You might not get the correct picture of things. One thing you need to find out is why your friend is still staying put. Is she gaining one way or the other from the relationship – financially, emotionally, or otherwise? Your friend has to learn to be happy with herself and by herself. Self-reliance is also key. That way a man coming into her life doesn’t feel like he’s ‘God’ breathing life into a ‘worthless’ being. He will see her as someone he can grow with. When you tell her all these, hopefully she’d see the sense. Otherwise it’s really difficult pulling a girl out of a relationship like hers, especially when she feels she’s gaining somehow.